How Do We Tackle “Over-Parenting?”

I might have mentioned a few times recently that my oldest just started kindergarten. I’m realizing that this transition has stirred up quite a bit of anxiety. Oh, not for my son, but for me.

I’ve honestly never thought of myself as a controlling parent or a helicopter parent or whatever you want to call it. I didn’t run around with a pillow to catch my kids when they began to fall. I insist that they solve arguments with their friends on their own if at all possible. I have no problem saying “no” a ridiculous number of times in the day. I even made my son responsible for his own show-and-tell in preschool.

But, my reaction to the change to kindergarten and the reduced flow of information about my son’s day has me second-guessing my parenting. I’ve already gotten in trouble for walking him to his class for too long, and I got some blank stares from the teacher when I asked about the best way to communicate with her.

Am I over-parenting – doing so much for my children that they will fail to become functioning, responsible adults?

A piece in NPR  explored this topic and its implications on schools. The consequences discussed are all the things I don’t want my children to grow up and be – unmotivated, unaware and needy. Sadly, the article reminded me why I stopped hiring interns a few years ago; I just couldn’t handle the younger folks’ inability to work independently and solve problems.

The piece offered parents some concrete steps to take right away:

1. Stop saying “we” when referring to your child.

The idea here is that too many parents are over-invested in their child’s activities and can’t separate the child’s accomplishments from their own.

2. Stop arguing with the adults that help your children.

This includes teachers and coaches. Teachers are overwhelmed with well-intentioned parents who should be letting their children handle everyday concerns.

3. Stop doing your child’s homework.

This seems like a no-brainer to me and a great rule to hide behind if, like me, you still don’t fully grasp common core math.

Those “rules” make sense to me and seem simple enough, but there are lots of gray areas that parents have to navigate.

How do you balance your desire for your child to succeed with the critical need to step back and let him stand on his own feet? Where is the line between trusting your child’s school and teacher – with whom you might not have much experience – and looking out for your child? And how far do you let your child fall or fail without stepping in?

I’m committed to raising independent, capable children, but I also want to make sure they feel nurtured, supported and loved. I take my job as a parent pretty seriously, and as much as I don’t want to cause trouble at our school, I also want my kids to have the best.

I definitely don’t have all the answers. So, I’ll keep stumbling through these issues and doing the best I can.

Photo by Bethany Beck on Unsplash