The 12 Hours of Thanksgiving

Burnt turkeySince ‘Christmas creep’ is now a well established part of the Thanksgiving holiday, why can’t we have some carols? I’m hosting my first big family supper this year, with folks flying in from as far as Nebraska. This, of course, has inspired me to song. With apologies to anyone who has any creative or musical sensibilities, here are my 12 hours of Thanksgiving.

On the twelfth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 12 in-laws flying.

On the eleventh hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 11 cookbooks baffling.

On the tenth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 10 lists of guests’ nutritional demands. So if Judith is gluten free and John doesn’t eat ruminants, but Barbara is a locavore who only eats food cooked at less than 93 degrees, does that mean I need a 15- or 17-lb turkey?

On the ninth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 9 trips to grocery stores.

On the eighth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 8 side dishes cooking. (Potatoes, green beans, stuffing, yams, pie, gravy, green beans, and rolls. Crap, did I write green beans twice? What am I forgetting?!)

On the seventh hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 7 slightly offensive kid school crafts featuring a false rendering of happy Pilgrims and smiling American Indians.

On the sixth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 6 McCrory Cookies. Gee, thanks.

On the fifth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 5 napkin rings ( — what the heck, true love? Where are the other 10 napkin rings?).

On the fourth hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 4 glasses of wine. Now what was I singing about? Jingle Ham, jingle ham, stuffing all the way…

On the third hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 3 unexpected house guests.

On the second hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 2 appliances malfunctioning.

On the first hour til Thanksgiving my true love gave to me: 1 inebriated hostess (hic), 15 hungry diners, three uncomfortable political conversations, and a stove full of raw turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving, readers! What’s your trick to holiday meal success? Is it wine? I think it’s wine.




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